Did You Take My Doll Head?

Dear John,

Did you take my doll head? I had the body in my bedroom upstairs so I could sew her dress, and the head was in a box on the living room floor. Did you take it to be funny? I don't think it's very funny if you did, rather immature if you ask me. Melissa told me about how you used to take the heads off her Barbie dolls and that made her very upset. Please return the doll head to me please.

Thank you.

Love,
Mom

Belated Birthday

(click image to enlarge)

John:

I cannot believe you thought nothing of not seeing your own mother for her birthday or the day following. How disappointing for me!

Do you plan to be around tonite or are you going to have another excuse?

You had better be working on that Tuesday class paper because if work calls for you, you are going.

Get those t-shirts in the boxes your father brought home today!

Get the basement cleaned up!

The Convoluted Black Hose System

Hello John and Adrienne,

Make sure you lock and dead bolt the front door - with the humidity, the door sticks and does not shut too good.

Please check the house Friday night, the 31st, to make sure no mail was delivered and no newspaper - I stopped both but you know how it is - sometimes they don't get it right!

The water system: sprinklers go on with the timer at 3am everyday (if the batteries are good). You know the deal with the black hose (only turn the plastic knob for the black hose to turn on the water into that hose). The timer is already set with the water to go on - into all the other hoses you should not have to use the main handle at all (it's a very convoluted system that your father has set up). Try not to fuss with it. Worse case scenario, you would have to manually water everything with the black hose and nozzle, if the system is not working or if you disturb it.

If no rain between now and Sunday please fill water can several times (can will be with the black hose) and water all the potted plants. I did not get to do this before I left. If no rain Mon, Tues, Wed then you need to come back like Friday night and water the plants again especially if its like 85 degrees each day.

* Always check to make sure no mail is being delivered nor is papers being delivered.

*** Come in and check the house after about a week to make sure nothing is leaking in basement, and everything is OK.


Don't worry about windows at the other house until about 8/6. They are open a little right now. If no rain all weekend, then by Sunday or Monday run the sprinkler in front for about a half hour - put in middle of sidewalk and let it run side to side. By Friday the 6th you should get to Dart Street, get the key from under the green rug in front foyer (corner where rug does not meet the wall) and open window in living room (side of yellow house) and kitchen window to circulate air. If you watered Sunday and Aunt Susie watered Wed or Thurs, then no need to water again.


But don't forget to close the windows before you leave - they should only remain open a crack - and lock both the knob and the dead bolt and put the key back in the spot.

Thanks John and if you have trouble with any of this, please do not hesitate to call.

Thanks alot!

Love,
Mom

Salt & Pepper Recycling

Dear John,

If you go out later, please return these empty salt & pepper shakers to Wendy's and take a new pair for your Grandmother. She is all out of condiments. Don't let them see you do it -- then you'll have to explain and I do not want you to be embarassed!

Love,
Mom

To The House Cleaner . . .

Hi ______ –

I think you’ll find there’s plenty to clean today since nothing’s been vacuumed or done since you were here last. I told my son to work w/ you & use bathroom up or down depending where you’re working – He’s got a lot to do so he should not even be here much while you’re here.

If you want there’s coffee to try it, take it, I think it’s probably strong – you could always just throw it out if it’s no good – Thanks & I’ll talk to you soon – tentatively – make my next visit 18^th or we’ll talk – (the week of 22^nd).

Thanks

-______

John -

Just work with _______ – if she’s cleaning upstairs, you shower down here and if she’s down, you shower up – also, put everything from room into your car so she can vacuum that back room if possible. Hope you get everything done. Love you – hope all goes well Fri / Sat – weather not supposed to be good Sat

(Be careful).

TTY after tomorrow

Love, Mom

Post-It P.S.

Keep in touch – let me know if / when you must travel again –

Muddy Marley

Vidal Sassoon Explosion

If there's one thing you've learned by now, it's that my Mom doesn't throw anything out. She is very attached to her possessions and is convinced that no new product could ever take the place of the old one. She will use things until they fall apart -- and even when they break, she gives them to my Dad to fix -- he takes things down to his workshop like Victor Frankenstein and brings them back to life!

This mentality has passed down through the family over generations (even I have a bit of the gene). Some may call it hoarding -- or maybe it's an inability to spend money on something "new" when there is already a "perfectly good one" at home that "works fine."

The Explosion

My Mom was the proud owner of an ancient, brown Vidal Sassoon hairdryer, since the early 1980's -- you know the ones: with the metal coils on the tip, recalled off the shelves because they were catching fire and exploding in people's faces. This particular hair dryer was the "1500" model. She has been using this thing for the past 30 years and it is older than I am (it looks the first hair dryer ever invented).

Check this thing out . . .





Notice it only has three settings: Hot, Warm, and Cold. And only 2 "speeds" (High and Low)





When I asked my Mom why she still uses it, and why she doesn't just buy a new one (after all, they have made some amazing enhancements in the world of hair-drying since the 80's), she claimed: "Because mine works fine and has the perfect temperature." 

So, we put her to the test . . .

When my fiance and I stayed at her house, my fiance asked if she could use said hair dryer. After about 10 minutes, I heard her screaming from the bathroom. Sparks flew out of the handle and the darn thing caught fire! The smell of burning hair hit the air. Luckily, my fiance escaped with no major burns and her pretty face intact.

When we presented my mother with the charred evidence, she said: "You can't bend the cord -- you have to hold it straight. Last time it went on fire your Dad had to replace the wire."

I couldn't believe my ears.

After almost setting the house ablaze (twice) and nearly turning my fiance into a Pop Tart, my Mom was holding onto this thing for dear life. She gave it to my Father to see what could be done. He took it down to his workshop, laid it out on the dissection table, and surveyed the damage . . .

It looks like a science project I made in grade school using an old remote control car motor and some electrical wires. Needless to say, the hair dryer was beyond repair. My Mother had no choice but to throw it away. It was a sad, sad day. But I like to think it had a good run: over 30 years of drying hair and no fatalities.

Moral of the story: "if it ain't broke, don't fix it -- unless you catch on fire."