My Hero

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JOHN: Thurs PM 11:30pm

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Holiday Note: Too Hot To Trot

Dear John,

Your grandmother just called me at the last minute and said she cannot make it over to the house for Thanksgiving today. Apparently she ate a bad burger from Meals on Wheels and has a terrible case of the trots. I don't know why she continues to do this to herself - every time I go over there she has diarrhea!

I went to the store to get milk for coffee after dinner and will be back shortly. Can you please set the table for 6 now since my parents won't be joining us? I'm really upset but this is how it goes . . . they are getting old.

I'm so glad you're home to spend this day with us.

Love,
Mom

Texts from Mom

THE OLD FOLKS
I'm thinking about Thanksgiving. I don't want to be with just the old folks. Can u spend Thanksgiving with us? I will have to cook for all the old folks I may go to PA that Friday I know your moving but we really need u here.

TOO MANY VISITS . . .
Not a bad ride home from you new apartment at all! I'll be coming to visit twice a month.


TOO MUCH INFORMATION
I'll be over in 10 minutes, please wait for me - I have a really bad headache and a bathroom problem.


POWER WASH
If you try to call the house we have the power washer going and can't hear the phone. When are we going to Oktoberfest? I went last night and it was just a bunch of young kids being bad. Only rides, no food. I'm going to the bar meet us there.


SNIPPY
Just be sure u clearly label anything u put at Nanny's so Grandpa doesn't throw things out. Also ask to put stuff off the floor in case of dampness. Don't get snippy with me, just trying to help!

BBM From Mom

Do you have milk in the house or should I pick some up on my way in?

Need anything else from grocery store?

Don't think I am weird, but do you have a toilet bowl brush?

An Apple to the Nose!

Dear John,

Just want to throw this out there, so you can think about it. We are thinking about going to Vermont on Dec 26th for a few days and would love for you and Adrienne to come and we would pay for the rooms. We would do the usual stuff, ski (if you like, I know we won't be doing that), tube, snowmobile, go to dinner. Sounds like a fun time, I've never been there, but would love to do something fun together.

See you Sunday. The last time we went apple picking your Dad lobbed an apple at me and hit me in the nose.

Love,
Mom

Does it Hurt When You're on the Toilet?

Hi Matty,

How do you feel? Ribs can be tricky.

I strongly suggest you stay off them for a while. And go see Dr. S_____ . He loves you guys.

Does it hurt when you're on the toilet? I imagine that sneezing or twisting must be agonizing for you! Oh boy. Stay home for a while.

Are you and R_____ free on Wednesday? Dad and I want to go for duck. Yum yum!!!!

Love,

Mom

Rib X-Ray

Hi Matty,

How did you make out today at the doctor? Please let us know. Did he x-ray your ribs? Did he say you should lose weight again? I'm so glad you're not smoking any more. Are you free Sept. 19?

Love,
Mom

Sophie & The Skeleton

Hi Matt,

Please call your sister. Apparently has 2 imaginary friends, one's a skeleton and one's named Sophie. She was playing in her room for hours with them this afternoon while I was over. It's very strange if you ask me.

Love,

Mom

Philly Pulled Pork

Hi Matt,

Don't forget that we have tickets for Monday night. The Phillies come to town but dad and I can't go. Perhaps the girls might be able to join you or ask friends if you would like.

Matty if you bring a friend, please bring someone nice. The people in our section are so nice and I don't want any of your friends getting out of control or dropping their pulled pork on them. Please let me know because I have the tickets and parking pass with me.

Ok, I'll be in the car if you need me.

Love,
Mom

Happy Belated Birthday, Pop!

Hi Matt,

Just want to remind you that tomorrow is Pop's birthday. We celebrated over four months ago so it is easy to forget. He'll be home all morning.

Love,

Mom

No Movie For My Mom

Hi Matt,

We just watched No Country for Old Men. What a horrible movie. I can't tell you how upset I was. Something's wrong with you. Dad loved it.

We'll see you on Saturday? Hope so!

Love,
Mom

Sweet Potato Text

6:32am

Quick questions: did you ever try those sweet potato fries? If yes, what did you think? If no, why not?

Don't Be Late to the Funeral

Dear John,

We will most likely need to be at funeral home by 9:00am prior to motorcading over to St. Raymond's Church.

YOU MUST BE ON TIME!!

Love,
Mom

The Floppy Plate

Dear John,

Be very careful when you take leftovers out of the fridge . . . Foil is cheap and plate is floppy!

Love,
Mom

Where does the bathing suit go?

No Sex or Drugs Down The Shore

Dear Mike,

Have fun down the shore this Memorial Day Weekend! Remember, no drugs and no sex with girls (or guys).

Love,
Mom

Don't Over-feed the Rabbit!

Dear John,

Just some items:

We will be gone from Saturday to Sunday the 24th arriving back to JFK 7:35am from a night flight out of LAX at 11:30 the 23rd. We are working on getting my brother to pick us up since its so early in the morning.

I left the rabbit food at the entrance to the garage so its easy to feed him daily after you get home from work. Please don't forget about him! Don't overfeed, he wastes . . .

If it snows, you will need to take the Acura out of the garage to get the snowblower out safely. Dad has checked it out to be sure it runs - hopefully you won't need it. If it's light snow, please shovel the walk for us. Don't try to use the snowblower unless it's deep! Just be concerned with the outer walk and so people don't know we are away! Thanks.

We are at the Comfort Inn, 2815 Santa Monica Blvd, Santa Monica CA phone #310-828-XXXX as of Sunday the 17th. And of course you have our cell phone numbers.

On Thursday or Friday we will be going to a place called Catalina Island which is an hour off the coast of CA. Just telling you in case our cell phones don't work - we will call you and check in during the week.

The mail and the newspapers have been stopped until Saturday the 23rd so if you see it around, bring it in - it's a mistake.

Have a nice week . . .

Love,
Mom

Don't throw away the Angel.

Dear John,

If you decide you don't want this angel, please return it to me. I want you to have it, it was our very first Angel since 1976 and I don't want it thrown away.

Love,
Mom

I won't make this long winded . . .

Dear John,

Hi! I won't make this long winded . . . I worked on the insurance today and it took quite some time but it is done. You can go to DMV right away if you want - I think the paperwork is in order - I had Dad make copies of the DMV stuff - whatever you need is in folder, extra stuff in manila envelope. Reason why I did this now: I DON'T want to be concerned with this after Aug 21st -- going back to work very soon after that. We'll be home Tuesday the 21st.

Don't touch the water spicket outside, it's on a timer. Can only use black hose. _______'s cell is XXX-7337, and you are to call her if you can't make it over here Wed or Thurs. She will come Friday, Sat, and Sun to feed the rabbit (I asked her before I learned you would be around the weekend).

The mail has been stopped and the newspapers supposed to be as well. If you need anything from the garage, I would appreciate if you carefully pull the car out, don't try to get at beach chairs etc. with the car there. The car is very tight in the garage -- I already did some damage to it this week.

There is no phone at the apartment in Palm Beach -- call my cell phone to talk to me. Please take these cause its still good either tonight or tomorrow when you stop by:

• Quart of Milk
• Cake
• The green tea I bought for you

Dad used the Buick tonight to make copies -- he said it sounds terrible -- don't push it! Can't go to Brooklyn with it; it needs too much work and Dad refuses to fix it. I can't have you break down while we're in Florida -- you'd have to pay for the tow and I would worry too much.

Before you spend it, please leave the $40 for the parking ticket here and the $100 you borrowed. Have a good week, I miss you. Sorry our dates overlapped - I would have liked to be home when you got here.

Love,
Mom

PS. Aunt _____ will water lawn end of week - she knows what to touch.

Two Necessary Items

Dear John,

Stop by and pick up 2 items: cheesy bathroom stuff i knew you'd like (fragile!) and candy Butterfingers on porch.

Love,
Mom

Computer Glitch

Dear John,

I don't know what you were doing on the computer but the screen was NOT like this before yesterday! What the hell is wrong with you? I hope you did not break the machine because it is all I have.

Love,
Mom

Jesus in my Suitcase

Dear John,

Thanks for the info. I am really very happy for you but you know as your Mom I will always worry for your safety. So please watch your back and stay safe. BEHAVE!!

Please take this prayer card with you to protect you and you need to call me at least 1 day a week so I can know you're OK. Put the card in your suitcase.

Will call you today before 3:30pm. I love you very much, have a safe trip!

Love,
Mom

I had a bad nights sleep so I couldn't eat

Dear John,

I had a bad night's sleep so I couldn't eat today. I'll have to wake you up in the morning to say goodbye. Also, I will call you on my lunch break tomorrow.

Dad says if you have a problem with the airport at 5pm, he will take you but you need to let us know. Did you get my message? I need your itinerary. And put the cars away.

Love,
Mom

Fresh Turkey, One Roll

Dear John,

There's fresh turkey, but one roll for lunch today. Just buy bread. Be careful going back to Brooklyn and I'll see you tomorrow if not today at 4pm.

Love,
Mom

Spoke very fast

Dear John,

Your credit card company called again, left phone number. Dad could not get the number - they said to call them. They did not leave a message, just spoke voice recording very fast. I hope you are paying your bills, John.

Love,
Mom

Hey, you two . . .

Hey, you two . . .

Consider using our house to cook a dinner, etc. while you check on the house, air it out, and water it while we're gone. Please don't look at the dust - haven't had time to clean. Use the big TV, watch a movie.

Have a safe trip today & the weekend!

Love,
Mom

Rice & Chicken

Dear John,

Sprinkle a little water over rice and chicken before you heat in case it's dry. Please wash a few white dishes with lids and bring to me.

Love,
Mom